Dearest you, 

In the midst of may, my girlfriends and I had a 3 day long sleepover.  It was a last gathering of some sort as all of us were moving on from our current lives and doing "big girl things".  Some were traveling to their motherlands in Africa for the summer. Some were to study abroad in the fall. Some moving to different states etc...

As alcohol ran through our bodies and slowly intoxicated us, we began talking about various topics. Some of utter importance and most-utter bullshit. 
The topic of virginity came up. They debated. I sat in my sit as quiet as a mouse, listening sometimes throwing in a laugh here and there. The truth is, I had no opinion of substance on the subject as I have never ummm.. participated in such activities and naughtiness.  But I felt it was important for me to listen anyhow as I might learn something. And can I just say...*mind blown*

Two things I've always heard about losing your virginity was that 
One: It hurts like hell 
Two: you bleed.
The reason you bleed is probably because there wasn't enough foreplay. period. because they weren't stimulating you enough period - DJALINA .T

My friend exclaims with so much attitude and certainty that I couldn't help but think about it days later. All these years of believing and dreading my first time because of the pain and blood, could be fixed just by stimulation?

Another friend jump in and pointed out that for her, having sex for the first time was just that- The first time. For her it wasn't a lost of anything but a gain. A new experience.  And with that we went on to talk about the many ways that women and men treated sex and virginity.  From what I've gathered in the films that I've watched over the years, sex seems to be a man's sport. I've noticed that it was mostly about the pleasure of the man as opposed to both partners enjoying themselves. The man almost always disregards the woman's need as soon as they get "off". In turn leaving the woman looking frustrated and unsatisfied. But when the woman insists on getting "off" too, it is seen as selfish.

I don't constantly think about the fact that I am a virgin at 20. Of course the fear of dying a virgin comes to mind once in a while and I freak out a little. But the thing I'm learning as I grow up is to go at my own pace. I can't compare my accomplishments, where i am in my life and definitely not my sex life ( or lack there of ) to my friends or anybody else because we're not the same. I sometimes have the impulse to just "do it" with a random guy just to get it over with, but ultimately i know that deep down that's not me. I need to have a connection and a stable foundation with a guy before proceeding to be intimate with them. I am scare of even looking them( guys, especially really cute ones)  in the eyes for God sake, so I can't even imagine myself that way with just anybody.  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with one night stands or casual sex. I think it's rather empowering.
images provided by Tumblr

I know that when it does happen, it will be the right time for me. And it would be wonderful because I am ready and I truly love the person. whatever that means anyways.

What did you think about all the points that were mentioned. Do you agree? Disagree? lmk

ps. I've attached a little gift for you. 


  1. I agree, there is no rush to lose your virginity. I'm 19 turning 20 next year. I'm still a virgin. But I've always told myself that if I am to lose my virginity I don't want it to be something I ever regret. So I'm gonna be very choosy with who I give that to.

    1. Exactly! the thing I keep telling myself is that everybody goes their own pace in life and there's no need to compare. we are not all the same. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. I appreciate it more than you know. :)
      _ ayele



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